Teen blogs about life, love and body confidence while living with an ostomy bag
AILEEN NAKHLE
Last updated 12:06, April 22 2015
morethanyourbag.com
With her blogs, Hattie Gladwell explains what it's like to live with a stoma.
When 19-year-old Hattie Gladwell was rushed to hospital with suspected appendicitis early this year, they took out her appendix. Only, that wasn't the problem.
The real problem, discovered after several more days of excruciating pain, was ulcerative colitis. It had gotten so bad that Gladwell's colon (large intestine) had to be removed. For the teen from West Sussex, this ultimately meant wearing an ostomy bag for the rest of her life.
Photo: Facebook.
Writing on her blog – morethanyourbag – she says, "For those of you that don't know what an ileostomy bag is… it's a bag for your stool… I am now left with just my smaller bowel, which is sewn through to the outside of my stomach, the end is called a stoma."
Gladwell started the blog as a way to regain her confidence after the surgery. The blog is for those getting used to life with a stoma, but it's also an education for anyone unaware of diseases like ulcerative colitis and the consequences it can have.
Her candid and tender accounts are an eye-opener into the everyday challenges Gladwell and others like her have to deal with. From wearing a bikini to having sex, Gladwell leaves nothing out, revealing how she's managed the things others might take for granted.
My first picture of my stoma... pic.twitter.com/EnXzg5ElKr
— hattie gladwell (@h4tt_ie) April 14, 2015
She details how hard it was to be intimate with her boyfriend for the first time while wearing an ostomy bag, but says finding a smaller bag helped:
"Going topless for the first time after surgery is very daunting, and I was very nervous. I waited until all of the lights were off to take my clothes off. I'd spoken about it with my boyfriend before but I'd always said I felt more at ease with a top on. Both for confidence and comfort reasons. But this time was different. I was wearing a smaller bag and felt comfortable. So the only fear left to face was regarding my confidence.
"It put me at great ease to hear my boyfriend say "oh wow, you haven't got a top on!" in such a proud manner. Nothing else was said. Everything else felt normal. There was no awkwardness, no fear and no shame. A sigh of relief rushed through my body and I felt I'd climbed a further 2 steps up the ladder."
Photo: Facebook.
She tackles the ups and downs of her emotions too, writing in one February post: "I'm a little bit terrified that I'm going maybe slightly just a little bit insane. I drift in and out of contrasting emotions; so much so that I'm not exactly sure if I feel anything at all anymore."
Going swimming for the first time since her operation was a breakthrough for Gladwell.
In one of her most recent posts, she notes: "It was yesterday that I actually gained the courage I needed and walked over to the pool, taking my friend with me. I stripped down into my bikini, and although I started off feeling self-conscious, I quickly realised that this is the body that I will be living with, and that if I want to do things deemed as 'normal', I need to get over any flaws I feel are there."
But to her surprise, nobody stared and nobody pointed. And being in the water brought its own relief. "The water felt amazing. I couldn't even feel my bag whilst in the pool, it was as if for that amount of time none of this year had happened, no surgery, no stoma, no bag. I was taken back to last year, I felt as if I was back on that same day where I felt absolutely amazing."
Gladwell signs off this post saying: "I'd done it. I'd overcome my fear, and proved that even an activity that could make me feel so vulnerable has not defeated me. Now, it's just one more activity I've ticked off my list.
"No stares, no fear, no problems. I felt so in my comfort zone and so confident. Just another teenage girl."
In just three months since her life-altering operation, this teenager seems well on her way to the confidence and happiness she craves. As she herself notes, "This is not going to change me. This is not going to defeat me… I'll be able to appreciate myself as much as I should've beforehand. I'll be me."
- Stuff
